Text-only - Unix slang

A Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question:

Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of program ?
UNIX consul:Yes, that's correct.
Customer: No, what is it ?
UNIX consul:Yes.
Customer: So, which is the one ?
UNIX consul:No. `which' is used to find the program.
Customer: Stop this. Who are you ?
UNIX consul:Use `who am i' not `who r yoo'. You can also `finger yoo' to get information about yoo'.
Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?
UNIX consul:Use `what'.
Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ?
UNIX consul:No. `true' gives you 0.
Customer: Which one ?
UNIX consul:`true' gives you 0. `which programname'
Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?
UNIX consul:Type `find / -name it -print' to find `it'. Type `what program' to get the revision code.
Customer: I want to find the revision code.
UNIX consul:You can't `find revisioncode', you must use `what program'.
Customer: Which command will do what I need?
UNIX consul:No. `which command' will find `command'.
Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.
UNIX consul:You can `write that' only if `that' is a user on your system.
Customer: Write what?
UNIX consul:No. `write that'. `what program'.
Customer: Cut that out!
UNIX consul:Yes. those are valid files for `cut'. Don't forget the options.
Customer: Do you always do this ?
UNIX consul:`du' will give you disk usage.
Customer: HELP!
UNIX consul:`help' is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).
Customer: You make me angry.
UNIX consul:No, I don't `make me' angry but I did `make programname' when I was upset once.
Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.
UNIX consul:No `more'? `which' will help you find `more'. Every system has `more'.
Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now!
UNIX consul:Understand that since `help' is such a small program, it is better not to `nice help'. and `more now' is not allowed but `at now' is. Unless of course `now' is a file name.
Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.
UNIX consul:I didn't know you needed help with `pc'. Let me get you to the Pascal compiler team....